In the fall of last year I found myself in quite the pickle. I was having some crippling mental issues that lead me to seek more intense help. I was inpatient at Butler ( a mental health hospital) for a week (story to follow). It got me out of my funk when they changed my medication and helped me through what was the most horrible time of my life.

After being inpatient I took part in an outpatient CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) program. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a psychological intervention that aims to improve mental health. CBT focuses on challenging and changing unhelpful cognitive distortions and behaviors that we may have. It helps to improve emotional regulation and helps create coping skills. It was a six hour day of classes designed to help put “tools in your toolbox”. Trust me, it works. Many things that I will be writing about I have learned through this program.

An outpatient program is one that allows you to learn and heal with professional therapists during the day and then you get to go home in the afternoon. It’s pretty much like school, but instead of learning boring things like math and history you learn how to better yourself. There are blocks of classes that you choose at the beginning of that day. At Butler there were three classrooms so you are constantly moving around and getting a change of scenery every hour or so. It is a really safe place to ask questions and re-train your mind. You meet with a therapist one on one daily and also have a physiatrist who is in charge of your medication. I met with my prescriber at the beginning and at the end of my program. You can always ask to speak with them more if needed. All of these people work closely together to give you a personal team.

Being in outpatient programs has helped me so much and I use the tools that I learned there at least once a week. Here are some tricks to the trade that I have found to make it easier to get through it:

Take it seriously.
You have found yourself here for a reason. Use every minute to make yourself better. You may have ups and downs and this is the place to ask questions and find out why you’re feeling what you are.

Take notes!
I am a note taker by nature so I bought a binder and a notebook and took notes in every class. This was the best thing I could have done because now I pretty much have my own how-to book if I ever find myself needing a refresher.

Allow yourself to dig deep!
You are safe. These professionals have seen and heard everything. They know how to help you. If you keep it bottled up and are afraid to explain what you are feeling then you will never get better. Easier said than done, I know. Its scary, man. Having a mental illness is sometimes terrifying and overwhelming. Try your best to open up because you won’t get better as quickly if you don’t. If you can’t seem to get the words our during your time with your therapist, try writing it down when you go home and presenting your written words. Allow yourself to explore your mind.

Trust the system!
It can work. I promise. You just have to believe that you can get better. Sometimes that thought is fleeting. I remember feeling like I could get through it one minute and then feeling hopeless the next. Try holding on to those positive thoughts. Write them down if you need to. Speak them aloud as a mantra if it helps. You. Can. Get. Better. You don’t have to feel this way forever.

Talk to your peers!
When you are ready and feel comfortable in your surroundings I think that it is a good idea to talk to people who are going through similar things. I mean, we’re all there because we went a little nutty, right? There are people there who may be struggling a little more than you are and people who are already on the up and up. Feeling like your not alone in your own struggle can make you feel better. Plus then you’ll have someone to have lunch with.

I cherished every day of my outpatient program. I felt better each day when I left. I became a different and better person because of it. I grew, I learned and I accepted. I felt a sense of accomplishment when it was through. It may have been a little scary when I first started but I reminded myself each day that I could do it and I couldn’t be more proud of myself that I did.

I recently had my close friend, Ashlee, visit from South Dakota! She is one of the most caring, giving and genuine people I have ever met. I am so lucky to have her as both a friend and as a support. She is someone who I cherish everyday. I was lucky to have been able to see her a few times while she was home. We had a wonderful time getting breakfast, finding sea glass and taking a late night walk through Salem.

She reached out to sleep over on her last night before her flight because she felt safe in our home and in our presence. She has some general anxiety and knows about my journey and felt as if I would be able to help her along (something that I found humbling and special). Flying made her very nervous, which is something that I, as well as many other people, can relate to. She had to take a few trains and a few planes and when she left we had a few conversations that included her expressing her nervousness and me trying to help put things into perspective. I want to touch on some of these things to help people who also may have some flying jitters.

1. Plan, plan plan!
   If you know that traveling makes you nervous, don’t wait until the last minute to make plans and figure things out. When I travel I literally have a folder with a calendar, list of things to bring on the plane and what to pack, an itinerary and my lucky socks. Knowing what is coming next can take out a lot of the scariness out of what otherwise may be an unknown situation.
   
2. Be early!
   I’m not sure about other people, but having to rush makes me even more anxious. Give yourself plenty of time so that you can find where you need to be. I would rather wait for an hour before my flight than to have to run to the terminal. Peace of mind is worth losing a little sleep in the morning when you have to catch those early flights
   
3. Keep busy on the flight!
   I pack a good amount of things that I know will keep me busy (in between making myself take naps). Here is a look of what is in my backpack:
   -Wallet. I pack my purse in my checked bag so that I don’t have to carry so many things. I make sure I that my ID or passport is right on top and my plane tickets are handy.
   -Fully charged cell phone with head phones, a wall charger and a portable charger (I have a solar powered one that is pretty slim). I play music throughout the entire flight (usually Nora Jones or “relaxation radio” on Pandora. That shit will put you right to sleep).
   -A good book. I usually bring my Kindle locked and loaded with a few books because my carry on is much lighter that way.
   -All of my medication. This one probably should be number one. If you are taking any medication, do not risk putting it in your checked bag. It could get lost and then you’re screwed. I take a good amount of medication (which I will get into in a future blog) and need to make sure they are always on my person. As long as you pack your medication in their original bottle with your name on it TSA won’t mess with you.
   -Gum. My ears pop.
   -A change of clothes. I shove these at the bottom of my bag just in case my luggage is lost I have outfit to hold me over. I should also add that my luggage has never been lost, but it can happen and I feel better knowing that I have some.
   -My blankie. I’ve had it since I was little and it calms me down. I never grew out of it and never will. Pack it if you have one or something like it. No shame in my game.
   -A coloring book and colored pencils. I have barely ever colored on a plane, but it’s there just in case I get bored enough
   -A neck pillow. Years ago a friend that is a big traveler turned us onto these pillows called Trtl Neck Pillows. They wrap around your neck like a scarf and allow you to sleep with your head in any direction. You can get these online at http://www.trtltravel.com or on amazon. Life changer.
   -Sleeping mask. I just cover my head with my blankie, but do you boo boo.
   
4. Ask for Help!
   Airports are confusing. I mean, how does it all work? Don’t be afraid to ask an employee for help. They know what to do and where to go if you get lost or confused. You’re never too old to need an adult.
   
5. Medicate!
   If you have any medications that you take at certain times be sure to take it on time. This is also a good time to use those PRNs (medication taken as needed) if you start to get really anxious.
   
6. Breathe and Stretch!
   I always stretch before a flight. If you’re going to be in tight quarters for a little while it’s a good idea to do so. This will also get you in tuned with your body and can even be a grounding exercise. If you’re feeling extra nervous, using a breathing exercise can center you. I usually count my breaths up to 10 (inhaling is one, exhaling is two) and then start again. Ashlee mentioned that she will breath in for 6 seconds, hold for 8 seconds and exhales for 6 seconds. Use this exercise for as long as needed. You can even use it when taking off or any time you feel yourself getting antsy.
   
7. Enjoy Yourself!
   Traveling is definitely nerve-wracking but its also kinda exhilarating. Go with the flow. Keep yourself safe and remind yourself of the great people and things your about to see or do. Life’s a garden. Dig it.

Hello, my name is Amanda and I have bipolar. Great, now that’s out of the way. I am starting this blog, focusing on the ups and downs of having a mental illness because I know how hard is it out there. I want to help people who may be going through some of the things I go through and have gone through in the past.

I am very open about my mental illness, but it hasn’t always been this way. I have a lot of stories, a lot of advice and a lot to learn and I truly think that I can help people get through tough times. This is my first ever experience with blogging and I am really excited to start. I have been looking for an outlet to share what I have been through and to be completely transparent when it comes to having a mental illness.

A little more about me: I am lucky to be a 30 year old who just moved to Salem, MA with my two cats, boyfriend and dog (his name is Oatmeal). In true bipolar fashion my likes and interests are pretty up and down. I love to go out and be around people, but most days would prefer to stay in, order some food and go to bed by 9. I love live music and am an avid Phish fan. I’m almost always down to try something new and spontaneous, but am mostly more of a planner. I have a creative mind and love to craft, sew and paint (if the mood strikes).

I am very excited to begin this project and hopefully learn even more about the mental healthcare community, mental health in general as well as myself in the process.