Where Have I Been?

Sometimes even when you take so many steps forward its possible to take some steps back. Recognizing these setbacks and advocating for yourself when you do experience them is key. Sometimes you need a little extra help, even if you don’t have a mental illness.

A few months ago I found myself in a bit of a pickle. I have made leaps and bounds in my journey and it was a real bummer that I felt as if I was losing myself again. I was feeling overwhelmed and stressed out and this led to my brain trying to help me out by disassociating. Disassociating is a detachment from your immediate surroundings making you feel like a zombie or sorts. It’s quite scary and can lead to isolation, anxiety, depression and other hardships. I am so lucky that I have so many people in my support system. I have a wonderful therapist here in Salem as well as an amazing prescriber who both thought that it was a good idea that I go back into an outpatient program.

Going back into the outpatient program was really difficult for me. I thought that I was past the point of needing treatment of this kind. I felt embarrassment that I had to go back again. Looking back, I recognize that emotion was a normal reaction but that I shouldn’t have been embarassed and you shouldn’t either if you ever find that you have relapsed back into your illness. It is normal and sometimes unavoidable.

Speaking of having a great support system, I had to move back to Rhode Island to live with my parents for the few weeks that I was attending the program. My parents are wonderful souls who don’t even blink if I need some help. They always make sure that I am comfortable and fed and create a great environment to heal. My father even brought me to treatment everyday. I should mention that it was about 45 minutes out of his way. What a gem he is. I wouldn’t trade the conversations I had with him on the way there for anything. At night my parents and I would sit down to eat and they would help me through my tough time. I am forever grateful.

During my time at the program I realized that I needed to step away from my job and really focus on getting myself better mentally. This was heartbreaking for me. I loved my job and I loved my coworkers. They were so understanding and I am so lucky that they are such loving and caring people.

So as of right now I am going to therapy twice a week, enjoying my great group of friends and taking time to heal with my amazing fiance. I am getting better and working hard to stay that way. I am studying my mental illness with the help of my therapist. Knowledge is, in fact, power. Salem has been crazy during this spooky season which has been a fun distraction.

To wrap this up, I think that it is important to keep checking in with yourself. Stay on top things and don’t ever feel negatively about asking for extra help. Only you know how you are feeling and you need to be sure to listen to your body and mind.

Just relax, your’re doing fine.